ANA-BABA TUTUMLARI VE ÇOCUKLAR ÜZERİNDEKİ ETKİLERİ 4

Dengesiz ve Kararsız Tutum:

Ana-babanın kararsız ve dengesiz tutumu, çocuğun eğitim ve gelişimini olumsuz açıdan etkiler. Çocuğun belli bir davranışı kimi zaman hoş görülmesi kimi zamanda aynı davranış yüzünden ceza alması çocukta cezanın anlamı ve suçun niteliği hakkında kuşkular uyanmasına neden olur. Bu yüzden çocuğa cezayı hangi davranışından dolayı aldığı açıklanmalıdır. Böylece çocuk hangi davranışının yanlış davranış, hangi davranışın doğru davranış kategorisine girdiğini daha rahat fark edecek ve aynı davranışı tekrarlamamaya çalışacaktır.
Tutarsız anne baba tutumlarını içeren bir diğer tutum ise, anne için doğru olan bir şeyin baba için yanlış olması veya tam tersi durumun oluşmasıdır. Anne ve baba farklı disiplin anlayışı geliştirebilirler. Anne ve baba mutlaka aynı görüşe sahip olmalıdır, biri olumsuz davranışı hoş görüp diğeri ceza uygulamamalıdır. Baba çocuğa bir suç işlemesi sonucunda bir ceza verdiğinde anne hemen annelik şefkati ile çocuğunun tarafını tutmamalı, kollamamalı ve kucaklayıp sevmemelidir.
Bu tip ailelerde çocuk söz dinlesin diye ilk önce yumuşak konuşurlar, sabırları zorlanınca seslerini yükseltip tehditler savurmaya başlarlar ve hatta döverler, kendini suçlu hisseden anne diz çöküp çocuktan özür diler. Çocuk hangi davranışının tepki alacağı konusunda herhangi bir fikre sahip değildir. Bir başka tutarsız ve ayırımcı davranış ise, ana babaların kız erkek çocuk ayrımı yapmalarıdır. Genelde erkek çocuklar kız çocuklara oranla daha ayrıcalıklıdır. Erkek çocuklar el üstünde tutulurken kız çocuklar daha geri planda yer almaktadır. Bazı ailelerde ise bu durum tam tersi olabilmektedir. Bu tür bu tutuma sahip olan ana babanın yanında yaşayan çocuk zararlı alışkanlıklar edinmeye meyillidir.

Sonuç olarak dengesiz ve kararsız bir ortamda yetişen çocuk,

• Aşırı isyankar ya da aşırı boyun eğici olabilir.
• Hangi davranışın nerede ve ne zaman yapılmayacağını kestiremez.
• Kaygılı, güvensiz bir kişilik sergileyebilir.
• Büyüdüklerinde karşısındaki insanlara zor güvenir.
• Tutarsız bir kişilik sergiler.
• Karar vermekte güçlük yaşar.
• Neyin doğru neyin yanlış olduğunu bilemez.

 

Kaynak: Mustafa Birgin, Çocuk Eğitiminde Ailenin Önemi, 2012

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