ANA-BABA TUTUMLARI VE ÇOCUKLAR ÜZERİNDEKİ ETKİLERİ 2

Gevşek Tutum (Çocuk Merkezci Aile): 

Gevşek tutum, otoriter tutumun tersidir. Genellikle orta yaşın üzerinde çocuk sahibi olan ailelerde ya da çocuğun kalabalık yetişkinler grubu içinde yetişen tek çocuk olması halinde sıklıkla rastlanır. Böyle bir ortamda çocuk, ailede tek iniyasitif sahibi tek kişidir ve onun isteklerine diğer aile bireyleri kayıtsız şartsız uyarlar.
Anne baba, çocuğa aşırı hoş görü gösterir bir başka değişle hoş görüyle boş vermeyi birbirine karıştırır. Disiplin yok denecek kadar gevşektir. Çocuğun çoğu olumsuz davranışı “çocuktur yapar” denerek aşırı hoş görüyle karşılanır. Ona sayısız haklar tanınır ancak sınırlar belirlenmez. Neyin doğru neyin yanlış olduğu yeterince öğretilip denetlenmez. Uslu durursan sana … alırım gibi ödül verilir. Gerektiğinde verilen cezalar çok yetersiz kalır, çocuk, erteleneceğini, unutulacağını ya da geçiştirileceğini bildiğinden cezayı ciddiye almaz.

Sonuç olarak gevşek bir ortamda yetişen çocuk,

• Bencil, şımarık, doyumsuz ve sorumsuz olur, o anne babasından çekineceğine anne babası ondan çekinir hale gelir.
• Anne baba, ara sıra sertleşmek istediği zaman da etkili olamaz.
• Evde ne isterse yapar ve yaptırır, istekleri buyruk niteliği taşır.
• Annesi, babası kızsa veya vursa daha fazlasıyla karşılık verir.
• Neredeyse onun elinde oyuncak olan, çaresiz kalan anne baba, kendini savunmak ve istediklerini yaptırmak için ağlayarak kendini acındırmaya çalışır.
• Hatalarının farkına varmayan çocuk, okulda ve sonraki hayatında hatalar yapmaya, kendine ve başkalarına zarar vermeye devam eder.
• Devamlı birilerinden hizmet ve her isteklerinin yapılmasını bekler.

Kaynak:  Birgin, Mustafa. Çocuk Eğitiminde Ailenin Önemi. El yayınları, İstanbul, 2012.

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