ÇOCUK VE SEVGİ

Bir kadın, evinden dışarı çıkar ve uzun, beyaz sakallı üç tane yaşlı adamın evinin önünde oturduklarını görür. Onları tanımaz fakat:
“Ben sizi tanımıyorum ama aç olmalısınız. Lütfen içeriye gelin ve bir şeyler yiyin,” der.
“Evin erkeği içerde mi?” diye sorar adamlar.
“Hayır!” der kadın. “O dışarıda.”
“Öyleyse içeri gelemeyiz,” diye cevap verirler.
Akşam olup kadının kocası eve geldiğinde, kadın başından geçenleri kocasına anlatır.
“Git onlara söyle ben evdeyim içeri gelebilirler,” der.
Kadın dışarı çıkar ve onları içeri davet eder.
“Hepimiz aynı anda içeri girmeyiz,” der yaşlı adamlar.
Kadın öğrenmek ister:
“Niye giremezsiniz?”
Yaşlı adamlardan bir tanesi açıklar:
“Onun adı ZENGİN,” der bir arkadaşını gösterir, bir diğerini işaret eder. “O BAŞARI, ben ise SEVGİ.” Sonra ekler:
“Şimdi içeri gir ve kocanla konuş, hangimizi evinizde istersiniz?”
Kadın içeri girip söylenenleri kocasına anlatır. Adam duyunca neşelenir.
“Ne güzel!” der, “Madem öyle, Zengin’i içeri çağıralım ve evimizi zenginlikle doldursun.”
Karısı itiraz eder:
“Canım, niçin Başarı’yı çağırmıyoruz?”
Bu sırada konuştuklarını evin diğer köşesinde bulunan gelinleri duyar. Zıplayarak gelir ve kendi fikrini söyler:
“Sevgiyi çağırsak daha iyi olmaz mı? Evimiz sevgiyle dolar!”
“Gelinimizin önerisini dikkate alalım; der adam karısına. Dışarı çık ve Sevgi’yi bizim misafirimiz olması için davet et.
Kadın dışarı çıkar ve üç yaşlı adama sorar:
“Hanginiz Sevgi? Lütfen içeri gel ve misafirimiz ol.”
Sevgi ayağa kalkar ve eve doğru yürümeye başlar. Diğer iki yaşlı adam da onu takip ederler. Kadın şaşırmış bir şekilde Zengin ve Başarı’ya sorar:
“Ben sadece Sevgi’yi davet ettim, siz niye geliyorsunuz?”
Zengin ve Başarı bir ağızdan cevap verirler:
“Eğer Zengin’i ya da Başarı’yı davet etmiş olsaydın diğer ikisi dışarıda kalırdı, ama sen Sevgi’yi davet ettin. O nereye giderse biz de oraya gideriz. Nerede Sevgi var ise orada Başarı ve Zengin’lik de vardır.

Çocuk eğitiminde sevginin yeri ve önemi çok büyüktür. Çocuğun anne-babadan aldığı iki şey vardır: Sevgi ve Eğitim. Sevgi; kabullenme, koruma ve sevecenlik gibi bütün olumlu duyguları içerir. Eğitim ise öğretilen her şeyi, verilen bilgileri, becerileri, yasakları, kuralları, inançları, değer yargılarını, görgü kurallarını ve insanın sosyalleşmesi için gerekli olan tüm toplumsal değerleri kapsar.
Eğitiminde en önemli unsur sevgidir. Eğitim, sevgi ile başlar. Sevgisiz eğitim düşünülemez. Hatta sevgisiz hiçbir şey olmaz. Çünkü yüreğine giremediğimiz hiçbir bireyin, beynine de giremeyiz. Bireyi yetiştirmek, onun beynine girebilmek için, önce onun yüreğine girmek gerekir. Bu da ancak sevgi ile mümkün olur. Çünkü eğitimde sevgi başarının özüdür. Çocuğa verilen sevgi onun dengeli gelişmesini sağlar. Küçük yaşta verilen sevgi onun dengeli gelişmesinin yanı sıra bir zaman sonra büyüdüğünde başkalarına sevme karakterini kazanmış olarak karşımıza çıkar.

Sevgi verilen çocukta güven duygusu artar, çevreye uyum sağlamada zorlanmaz ve sosyalleşir. Çocuk sevdiği kimsenin ya da kendisi ile ilgilenen kimsenin, güvenini yitirmemek için; onun hoşuna gidecek davranışlarda bulunur, kendini sürekli yeniler ve onu örnek alır.

Eğitim bir sevgi işidir, istekle ve özveriyle yapılır. Hele muhatap çocuklar ise sevgi kullanılacak tek unsurdur, en güçlü etmendir.

Çocuk yürekleri sevgiyle sarıp sarmalanırsa eğitimde başarı şansı giderek artar. Korku ve nefret ise kırılgan ve naif olan çocuk yüreklerini derinden yaralayacağı gibi çocukların yeteneklerini sınırlayan, körelten ve onların dünyalarını karartan da bir davranış biçimidir. Aynı zamanda çocuğun kişiliksiz olmasında da en önemli etkendir. Özellikle de eğitimin, çocukların yeteneklerini geliştirme, onları bilinçlendirme, planlı ve programlı bir yaşama alıştırma faaliyeti olduğu dikkate alındığında, korku ve nefretin, eğitimin önündeki en zararlı etkenler olduğu görülür.

Çocukların fiziksel gereksinimleri noktasında aile bireylerinin yeme, içme, giyinme ve barınma gibi hususlarda özveride bulunarak bunlarla çocuğa karşı görevlerinin bittiği düşüncesine kapılmaları ya da ebeveynlik görevlerini bu şekilde sınırlamaları son derece yanıltıcı bir davranış biçimidir. Çocuğun fizikî gelişiminin sağlıklı bir süreç izlemesi için barınma, beslenme gibi davranış ve faaliyetler elbette önemlidir. Ne var ki anne ve babalık görevini yalnızca fizikî faaliyetlerle sınırlamak, çocuk açısından olumsuzlukları da beraberinde getiren bir faktördür. Çünkü bu tür hareket tarzı, eğitimde en önemli unsur olan ruhsal ve zihinsel boyutun tamamıyla ihmal edilmesi anlamına gelir.
Çocuğun sağlıklı bir biçimde yetişmesinde, bu yüzden sevgi son derece işlevsel bir unsurdur. Bu nedenle çocuk eğitiminde sevgi öne çıkarılıp eğitim onun üzerine inşa edilebilirse eğitim sağlıklı bir zemine kavuşabilir.

Sevgi, birçok anne ve baba tarafından farklı yorumlanır. Kimine göre çocuğu sevmek, öpmek demektir. Kimine göre de kucaklamaktır. Oysa sevmek, çocukla bütünleşmek, onunla bazı etkinliklerde beraber olmak ve bir birey olarak onun gerçeklerini anlamaya çalışmaktır.

Çocuklar sevgi ortamını yakalayamadıkları takdirde uyumsuz hareketler içinde olurlar. Sevgi adına elde edemediklerini başka yollarla elde etmeye çalışırlar. Sevgisiz yaşayan çocuklar ise güvensiz, uyumsuz, saldırgan ve şefkatsiz olurlar.
Diğer taraftan, çocuğa gösterilecek ilgi ve alâkanın, sevgi ve şefkatin sınırlarının da iyi belirlenmesi, dengede tutulması gerekmektedir. Sevgi konusu fazlasıyla abartıldığında, aşırı tutumlar sergilendiğinde, bu durumun da çocuğu başarısız kılacak etkenler arasında olduğu gözden ırak tutulmamalıdır. Ölçüsüz sevginin çocuğu şımarıklık, sorumsuzluk ve boş vermişlik gibi birtakım yanlış durum alışlara sürüklediği bilinen ve sıkça gözlenen bir husustur. Hem de çeşitli başarısızlıkları beraberinde getirir.

Sonuç olarak sevgi, çocuğun gelişim ve eğitimi için gerekli su ve yiyecektir. Bu su ve yiyecek, zamanında yeteri kadar verilmediği takdirde, çeşitli sosyal ve duygusal nitelikte yaralar açabilir. Açılan bu yaraların yıllar sonra onarılması mümkün olmadığı gibi, çocukluk yıllarında duygusal besiyi yeterince alamamış kişinin büyüttüğü çocukta da benzer yaraların açılabilme ansızlığı vardır. Sözün özü, sevgi eğitim için kaçınılmaz bir gerekliliktir. Çocuğunuzun sevgi dolu bir ortamda büyümesi için:

• Çocuğunuzun yanında asla kavga etmeyin.
• Çocuğunuzla onun dünyasını paylaşın, onun kaygılarını anlamaya çalışın.
• Çocuğunuzla konuşmak ve sohbet etmek için özel zaman ayırın.
• Birbirinize kızdığınızda eşinizi çocuğunuza şikâyet etmeyin.
• Çocuğa sevgi göstermekle, onun her istediğini yerine getirmeyi, şımartmayı birbirinden ayırın.
• Yaptığı yanlışlardan dolayı, çocuğunuzu her seferinde cezalandıracağınıza, ona doğruyu, yanlışı ve hatalı davranışların sonuçlarını onun anlayabileceği bir dille anlatın.
• Çocuğunuza bol bol dokunun ve sarılın.
• Konuşurken tamamen onu dinleyin ve samimi konuşun.
• Hata yaptığınızda ondan gecikmeden özür dileyin ve de iyiliği karşısında teşekkür etmeyi unutmayın.
• Hayatınızın her aşamasında onu da düşünün, kişiliğine önem verin, duygularını anlamaya çalışın.
• Yarınlar için birlikte plan yapın, hayal ve düşüncelerinizi onunla paylaşın.
• Onun üzüntülerini ve dertlerini dinleyin, size tamamen güvenmesini sağlayın.
• Başarılarını takdir edin, yanında olduğunuzu hissettirin.
• Yaptıkları hakkında tahminde bulunmak yerine onunla iletişim kurun.

 

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