ANNE ÇOCUK İLİŞKİSİNİN ÖNEMİ

İçeri girer girmez neşeyle bağırdı:
“Anne biliyor musun bugün yuvada ne oldu?”
“Görmüyor musun? Telefonla konuşuyorum.”
Herkesin sevdiği şey birbirine benzemiyordu. Annesi telefonu, babası arabayı seviyordu. Her şey erteleniyordu, telefon ve araba söz konusu olduğunda… Bir de eve misafir gelecek oldu mu kendisine hiç yer kalmıyordu. Nerelere gitseydi? Annesi kapattı telefonu. Mutfaktan tencere sesleri geliyordu. Koşarak yanına gitti:
“Sana yardım edeyim mi?” dedi, en sevimli hâlini takınarak.
Annesi manalı manalı baktı:
“Hayırdır? Bir yaramazlık mı var? Bak bir de seninle uğraşmayayım. Çok yorgunum zaten.”
Yorgunluk nasıl bir şeydi? Bazen elinde oyuncağıyla uykuya daldığında anneannesi oyuncağı yavaşça elinden alır: “Nasıl yorulmuş yavrucak. Uykunun gül kokulu kolları sarsın seni,” diyerek alnına bir öpücük konduruverirdi.
Yorgunluk gül kokulu bir uykuya dalmaksa eğer, neden annesi kendisiyle böyle kızgın kızgın konuşuyordu.
“Anneciğim yorulduğun zaman gül kokulu uykulara dalarsın. Anneannem öyle söylüyor.”
“Uykuya dalayım da gül kokuları kusur kalsın. Yorgunluktan ölüyorum.”
Bu kelimeden nefret ediyordu: yorgunum, yorgun olduğumdan, böyle yorgunken…
“Anneciğim sen yorulma, diye…”
“Yemekte konuşuruz çocuğum. Bankada işler yetişmedi. Baban gelene kadar bunları bitirmem lazım. Hadi sen oyna biraz.”
Hani siz yoruluyorsunuz ya… Eeee… Ben de oynamaktan yoruluyorum. Ne yapayım bilmem?
Yapılmaması gerekenleri biliyordu da büyükler, yapılması gerekenleri hiç bilmiyorlardı. Işıklar söndü birden. Annesi öfkeyle söylenmeye başladı:
“Mum da yok!” diye diye karıştırdı bütün dolapları el yordamıyla.
Çocuk sırtüstü yatıp, anneannesinin köyünü düşündü. Gaz lambasının ışığında deli tavşan masalını anlatışını. Deli tavşanın duvardaki aksini getirdi gözlerinin önüne. Anneannesi gibi iki ellerini birleştirip işaret parmaklarını yukarı kaldırarak tavşan kafası yaptı.
“Bak tavşan!” diyerek parmaklarını oynattı. Yoldan geçen arabaların farları duvardaki tavşana yol açtı. Tavşan alabildiğine hür dolaştı sağda solda. Otlarla kuşlarla konuştu. Sonra yorgun düştü. Duvardaki görüntü minik avuçların açılmasıyla kayboldu. Kolu yavaşça kanepeden aşağı sarktı. Sonra ışıklar geldi. Kadın çocuğun hiç konuşmadığını akıl etti. Birden kanepeye koştu. Küçücük dizlerini karnına doğru çekerek uykuya dalmıştı. Masanın üstündeki dosyalara baktı iğrenerek. Dindirilmez bir pişmanlık doldurdu içini. Uyandırmaktan korka korka küçük alnına bir öpücük kondurdu. Çocuk sanki bir ipucu bekliyormuşçasına aralanan gözleriyle mırıldandı:
“İşin bitince beni sever misin anne?” dedi.
Kadın, sevilmek için randevu alan çocuğuna bakarak sabaha kadar ağladı.

 

Annenin çocukla ilişkisinin en önemli evresi, doğumdan hemen önce başlayıp, doğumdan sonraki aylarda süregelen ilişkidir. Burada annenin başta eşinin desteği olmak üzere toplumca destek ve yardıma ihtiyacı vardır. Anne çocuk ilişkisinde fiziksel temas büyük önem taşır. Annenin beden kokusu, ısısı, çocuğu alış biçimi bu iletişimde çok önemlidir. Özellikle 0-3 yaş arasında olması gereken bu yakın ilişkinin gerçekleşmemesi, gelecekte görülebilen birtakım davranış bozukluklarının sebebi olarak gösterilmektedir. Yine bu dönemde annenin yokluğundan kaynaklanan “duygusal yoksunluk” gerek zihinsel gerek duygusal ve sosyal gelişim gerilemesine ve gecikmesine neden olabilmektedir.

Hayatın ilk yılında bebeğin psiko-sosyal görevi, güvenmeyi öğrenmektir. Bebek ile annesi arasındaki ilişkiden doğan güven duygusu, insanın ileride kuracağı kişiler arası ilişkilerin temelini oluşturur. Bebeğin ihtiyaçlarına annenin yerinde ve zamanında yönelebilmesi, onun sıkıntılarını giderebilmesi, sözsüz dilini anlayabilmesi anneyle bebek arasında kurulan karşılıklı anlayış ve güvenin temelini oluşturur.

Anne bebek arasındaki ilişki öncelikle bebeğin fiziksel ve ruhsal gereksinimlerini doyurur. Her çocuk biyolojik ve genetik yapısı, zekâ, duygusal ve sosyal gelişimi açısından başkalarından, hatta öz kardeşlerinden farklıdır. Bu nedenle çocuk yetiştirmenin ustalığı, her çocuğa göre ayrı ve her çocuğun içinde bulunduğu döneme uygun düşecek biçimde farklı davranabilmekte yatar.

Sağlıklı anne çocuk ilişkisinin oluşumunda annenin ruh sağlığı büyük önem taşımaktadır. Mutsuz bir evlilik sonucu, annenin eşinden yeterli ilgi görememesi, ailenin ekonomik sıkıntıları, babanın, çocuğun doğumunu isteksiz bir şekilde karşılaması, annenin gerginliğini artıran, dolayısıyla anne çocuk ilişkisini zedeleyen etmenlerdir.

İki yıl içinde anne-çocuk arasındaki duygusal ilişkiler, gelişmenin temelini oluşturur. Bebeğine karşı sıcak bir yaklaşım içindeki anne, dil gelişimi açısından “cıvıldama” evresini yaşayan 3 ay dolaylarındaki bebeğiyle adeta sohbet eder. Bu iletişim gelişiminin tümünü özellikle dil gelişimini olumlu açıdan etkiler. Annenin okşayarak, besleyerek, oynayarak çocuğuyla kurduğu diyalog, duygusal doyumun sağlanmasına ve anne-çocuk arasındaki köprünün pekişmesine neden olur.

 

“ANNE ÇOCUK İLİŞKİSİNİN ÖNEMİ” için 4.515 yanıt

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