ÇOCUK VE KIYASLAMA

Derslerinde başarılı olamayan 9 yaşında bir çocuk sene sonunda zayıflarla dolu karnesini eve getirir. Annesi karneye baktıktan sonra:
“Üzülme oğlum, seneye çok çalışır, hepsini de düzeltirsin,” diye moral verir.
Birkaç saat sonra 50 yaşlarında olan baba kahveden eve gelir ve hemen çocuğuna:
“Getir şu karneni de bir bakalım!” der.
Çocuk odasına gidip karnesini getirir. Karneye bakan baba, kızgın ve öfkeli bir şekilde çocuğunun kulağından tuttuğu gibi:
“Bu ne lan, eşek sıpası! Niye derslerine çalışmıyon sen! El âleme bizi rezil ediyon! Şimdi ben sana ne yapayım? Utanmıyo musun, bu karneyi eve getirmeye? Atatürk senin yaşındayken okulunun birincisiydi!” diye başlar, bağırıp çağırmaya.
Canı acıyan çocuk, babasının elinden kurtulduğu gibi annesinin arkasına gidip saklanarak, yüksek ve kızgın bir sesle babasına:
“Atatürk benim yaşımdayken okul birincisiydi. Bu doğru, fakat senin yaşındayken de Türkiye Cumhuriyeti Devleti’nin Cumhurbaşkanı’ydı!” der.

Kıyaslama davranışı psikolojide genelde olumsuz etkileriyle anılır. Özellikle çocuk psikolojisinde, kişiye geri dönüşü mümkün olmayan zararlar vermesinden dolayı asla tasvip edilmez.

Anne-babanın çocuktan “iyi” ve “başarılı” olmasını beklemesiyle onu kendi zihnindeki kalıplara uygun olduğunu düşündüğü kişilerle kıyaslayarak çocuğun zor durumda bırakılması aynı şey değildir.

Kıyaslama çocuk eğitiminde en sık yapılan hatalardan biridir. Anne-babalar çocuklarını zihinlerindeki çocuk kalıbına uygun başka çocuklarla kıyaslayarak -belki de onları motive ettiklerini düşünerek- faydalı olmaktan çok zarar vermektedirler. Çünkü gerek derslerdeki başarısı gerekse diğer özellikleri başkalarıyla kıyaslanan çocuk mutsuz olacaktır. Bu durumda çocuklar, kardeşini, arkadaşlarını kıskanabileceği gibi ayrıca ailesi öğretmenleri ve çevresiyle ilişkileri bozulabilir. Sürekli başkalarıyla kıyaslanan çocuk, çevresine karşı olumsuz tepkiler geliştirebilir. Ailesine karşı gizli bir nefret besleyebilir. Kıyaslama hem anne-babayı hem de çocuğu olumsuz etkileyen bir durumdur. Aile çocuğunun yetersiz olduğu düşüncesine kapıldığı için onu kıyaslarken çocuk ise sevilmediği, değerli olmadığı fikrine kapılacaktır.

Kıyaslamanın Çocuk Üzerindeki Etkileri:

Kıyaslamalar çocuğun, kendisini yetersiz hissetmesine ve özgüveninin sarsılmasına yol açar. Yetersizlik duygusu ise çocuğa öfke, kıskançlık, mutsuzluk, hırçınlık, küskünlük yaşatır. Bu olumsuz yaşantılar neticesinde çocukta içe kapanma, çekingenlik ya da tam tersi saldırganlık, uyumsuzluk gibi sosyal davranışları ketleyen birçok yeni durum ortaya çıkar. Özellikle de çocukta oluşan “Beni anlamıyorlar!” düşüncesi, onu yalnızlığa iter ve anne-babasından uzaklaşmasına sebebiyet verir.

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