Yayım tarihi (Mustafa Birgin)

ÇOCUK VE CEZA

Çocukları eğitmede kullanılan yöntemlerden bir diğeri de cezadır. Eğitimde ödüllendirmek kadar cezanın da etkili olduğu açıktır. Ancak uygulanacak ceza çocuğa insanlar arası ilişkileri anlatacak türden olmalı, bedensel cezaya hiçbir biçimde başvurulmamalıdır. Özellikle dayağa başvurmak çok tehlikelidir. Çocuk dövüldüğünde bedensel izi çabucak kaybolur. Fakat bedensel cezanın oluşturduğu duygusal yaranın onarımı çok güçtür. Çünkü dayak, öğretici değeri az, etkisi kısa süren bir yıldırma yöntemidir. Mesela, anne-babanın dayak atmasıyla davranışlarını düzelten bir çocuk, anne-babanın gördüğü yerlerde düzgün davranacak, görmediği yerlerde yine yanlışlara devam edecektir. İstenilen bir davranışta bulunmayan çocuğun bazı isteklerden yoksun bırakılması, örneğin beklediği armağanın verilmeyişi, bir gezi programının ertelenmesi, sokağa çıkma yasağı, televizyon izleme yasağı gibi. Çocuklar için gerçekten önem taşıyan durumları ceza aracı olarak kullanmak iyi olur. Eğitimde önemli olan çocuğa istek kazandırarak doğru davranışlar kazandırmaktır.

Cezada kullanılacak diğer bir yöntem, çocuğa yaptığını düzelttirme yöntemidir. Kırdığı eşyayı harçlığıyla alması gibi. Fakat ceza tutarlı olmalı. Aynı davranış, bir gün ceza, bir başka gün hoşgörü ile karşılanmamalıdır. Çocuktan anında boyun eğme, buyruğu yerine getirme beklenmemelidir. Örneğin: Okuldan çıkan çocuk aynı saatte eve gelmedi diye cezalanmaz, ceza vermeden önce çocuğu dinlemeliyiz. Çocuk, duygu, düşünce ve isteklerinden dolayı değil, davranışından dolayı cezalanmalıdır. Öfkelenmek, kızmak, olumsuz duyguları açıklamak ana babaların olduğu kadar, çocukların da hakkıdır. Zamanla kontrol kazanacaktır. Üstünde fazla durmamalıyız. Çocuğu eleştirirken de överken de aşırıya kaçmamalı, gerçekçi olmalıyız.

Bir de ceza denince akla hemen sadece bedeni ceza gibi cezalar geliyor. Oysa aşağıda sıralanan davranışlar da bedeni cezalar gibi, hatta ondan da fazla zarar vericidir. Bunlara, “duygusal şiddet uygulamak” da denebilir:

• Çocuk konuşurken başka yöne bakmak.
• Dinlememek.
• Başarılarını görmezden gelmek.
• Eleştirmek.
• Tehdit etmek.
• Cevaplarının olumsuz olduğunu bildiğimiz soruları yöneltmek.
• Suçlamak.
• Aşağılamak.
• Çocuğun arzu edilen tarzda olmayan (=başarısız) davranışlarını, davranışları olan çocuklarla karşılaştırmak.
• Yapabileceğinden fazlasını beklemek.
• Soğuk ve ilgisiz davranmak.

Çocuk bu şekilde cezalandırıldığında;
• Kendine güvensiz,
• Ürkek,
• Huzursuz,
• Sık sık yanlış yaptığını düşünen,
• Kendini önemsiz hisseden,
• Konuşurken gözlerini kaçıran,
• İş yapmaktan keyif almayan,
• (Belki de) saldırgan biri olur.

 

Cezanın Kalıcı Etkileri:

Ceza geçici çözümdür. Çocukta içgörünün gelişmesini engellediğinden, çocuk istenilen davranışı kendiliğinden ortaya koyamaz ve cezanın etkili olabilmesi için dozunun giderek arttırılması gerekir. Ceza yetişkin-çocuk ilişkisini bozar; çocukta öç alma duygusunu geliştirir; çocuğa (özellikle zayıflara karşı) saldırganlığı öğretir. Cezalandırılması ihtimali olduğunda çocuk suçunu, yanlışını itiraf edemez. Özellikle, sadece olumsuz davranışları ile ilgiyi üzerine çekebilen çocukta olumsuz davranışlar giderek artar. Görüldüğü gibi ceza tehlikeli bir eğitim aracı…

Ceza nasıl verilirse etkili olur?

Ödül gibi ceza da çocuğun davranışını denetlemede bazı belirli koşullar gerektirir:

• Denetlenen cezayı yoksun bırakıcı, tehlikeli ve acı verici olarak algılamalıdır. (Gereksinmelerine taban tabana zıt olmalı.)
• İstenmeyen davranışın yok edilmesi için yeteri kadar caydırıcı olmalıdır.
• Denetlenen cezadan kaçamamalı ya da gereksinimini karşılayabilmek için denetleyenle bağımlı bir ilişki içinde olmalıdır.

Eğer ceza vermek durumunda kalırsak, cezanın etkili olabilmesi için:
• İstenmeyen davranışın hemen ardından verilmesi,
• Çelişkisiz olması, dozunun ayarlı olması,
• Kaçış olanaklarının bulunmaması,
• Süresinin uzun olmaması ve arkadaşlarının gözünde itibarını arttırıcı olmaması gerekir.

Ancak yukarıda anlatılanların tamamına uyularak verilen cezalar, giderek cezaların azalmasına ve ortadan kalkmasına yol açabilir.

Şunu unutmamalıdır ki eğitimde yapılan araştırmalara göre, cezadan ziyade ödül daha etkili olmaktadır. Çocuğun her yaptığı yanlış davranışı cezalandırmak yerine, çocukta gördüğümüz istenilen uygun davranış anında ödüllendirilip, uygun olmayanları görmezlikten gelmek daha etkilidir. Bu yöntemle çocuk daha iyiye gidebilir.

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